Posted on 22nd Sep 2011 @ 2:29 PM

Sex on the Beach

Sweet, succulent and just a tad tangy, sex on the beach is an experience everyone wants to try at least once. The cocktail is pretty good too. But seriously, who hasn’t fantasised about passionate love making under the golden sun, looking out to the rolling surf as waves of pleasure pulse down your body. Things get hot and steamy very fast, which only heightens the sexually charged bake in the sun. Your rhythm reflects that of the ocean and the swaying tress up the shore, it’s only been minutes, but it’s almost time. The anticipation builds up to a climax, you try and hold back as long as you can but soon it becomes too much, you look at your lover only to see the same look of attempted restraint to tame the sexual beast inside. Accelerando, the rhythm breaks into double speed, now the involuntary back bending gymnastics begin, this is the moment. It’s coming. It’s about to happen. You can feel the rush, your whole body tingles from your face right down to your…

OUCH! WHAT THE FUCK!? The synchronised rocking stops abruptly. You look at each other totally clueless. Did we finish? No. But god-damn my toe stings like a bitch! You both quickly survey the sand and witness the hard-shelled culprit scurry away sideways, heading for the surf. You both dust off the towel, and prepare to finish what was rudely interrupted. Foreplay isn’t really necessary, but you like to start and end things the right way. Hands and legs interlock, two bodies once again start to twist and become one. You run your hands slowly across a smooth thigh… well not that smooth. In fact, it’s almost like sandpaper. SANDpaper, oh shit! You try to dust each other off while having a bit of a laugh about the whole unfortunate series of events amidst what seemed like a promising erotic journey. The dusting becomes more frantic.

“There’s too much fucking sand on this beach!”

… “Uhh, durr.”

“Let’s go for another dip in the ocean and clean this off. I don’t really like the whole ‘got in a fight with an alley cat’ look.”

The ocean is cool and rewarding to red raw skin; you decide to just relax for a while and let the ocean take you where it pleases. Something brushes past your leg. Probably just a tropical fish. Then a nudge. Ok, a big tropical fish? WHOOSH! You’re pulled underwater by an unstoppable tug at your leg. Emerging quickly after, spluttering a little for breath, you examine the water for what the hell just happened. “Hahaha, gotcha!” cheeky bugger! After a bit more horseplay in the surf, you both decide to return to the shore and finish what you started. You pick up the beach towel, give it a quick shake and pat yourselves down. Oh shit. It was the same towel that was sitting in the sand all day. We’re right back at square one!

You look at your own disgruntled expression reflected in your lover’s eyes. You both burst out laughing at your failed attempts to fulfil your wildest fantasy. At least the sun’s still out. That fiery hot sun. Relentlessly beating down on the both of you.

“God damn it’s getting hot!”

“I’ll try not to laugh, but you look like a hotdog!”

“Whe-he-ell. You my lady, are beginning to turn into a leather wallet!”

“Pass me the sunscreen, I’m going to try keep this basting for the party on the weekend.”

“What sunscreen? We showed up here naked!”

“Oh…Shit… Wanna bail?”

“Sounds good to me, I think I’m about to shrivel up!

Let this be a lesson to all who want to experience hot passionate love-making on the beach. Remember to bring extra towels, plenty of massage oil and lubricant, protection from the great ball of fire in the sky, and choose your sex spots wisely!